


If The Creeks Don't Rise

by aban_ataashi



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, There will be fluff, There will be pining, a multi-chapter story of the romance between aloth and the watcher, there will be references to love songs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 17:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17647010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aban_ataashi/pseuds/aban_ataashi
Summary: He said, Tell me, are you coming back?I said, Darling, if the creeks don't rise.A journey through the relationship of Desta and Aloth, down the roads that twist and turn and always lead them back to each other.





	1. Reach My Soul

It began as a relationship of convenience.

Aloth was regretting coming to the Dyrwood. His contact with The Leaden Key had vanished, leaving him stranded in a land that did not look on foreigners with much kindness. Between the exhaustion of travel and the rain that soaked him to his bones, his control was not at its best that night in Gilded Vale. And that was before the drunks began harassing him. There was no patience or fortitude left within him to deal with these _lavvy-heided wankstains-_

Iselmyr only surfaced for a moment, but it was enough, and Aloth suddenly found himself the focus of three quite incensed, quite intoxicated Dyrwoodans.

The Watcher’s timing was impeccable. He didn’t know her as a Watcher at first, of course. Even she didn’t know of her abilities at the time. She simply introduced herself as Desta, a traveler whose caravan had been attacked and who apparently made a habit of rescuing strangers.

“You’ve heard of the Wayfarers?” she asked as she neatly sidestepped the unconscious bodies on the ground. Her smile was bright and her tone cheerful, completely unfazed by the attack or the heavy rain. “Guides, protectors, helpers to travelers in need? There’s a whole speech I could give, but I think you get the idea.”

“Indeed. The demonstration was impressive.” Aloth studied the woman in front of him. She was a newcomer as well, of that he was certain; her accent and travel-worn clothes indicated a long journey.

More obviously, she was a godlike, and from the looks she was garnering from the townsfolk she was the first one they had ever seen. Aloth himself had met godlike in his travels before, but none quite like her. At first glance, Desta was as much plant as she was kith. Her skin was a dark, mossy green, and was covered in vines and trails of fungus that twisted down her neck and arms. This, combined with the long horns atop her head and the strange luminescent yellow of her eyes, gave her an eerie bearing that was not completely offset by her friendliness.

“So I take it you’re not a local,” she observed, her glowing eyes sweeping over Aloth. “Are you a settler?”

Aloth scrambled for an explanation as to why an Aedyran wizard was wandering through a place like Gilded Vale, doing his best to hold back additional comments from Iselmyr. Luckily, Desta seemed too distracted to be suspicious. Her concerned gaze drifted back, over and over, to the center of town, where the hanging tree loomed in the shadows.

“Well, good luck in your travels,” she finally said, moving towards the promised warmth of the only inn in town, and he realized he was about to lose track of the first person who’d held a civil conversation with him in weeks.

“Wait,” he called.

Aloth was, at his core, a cautious person. He didn’t know how much he could trust this woman, and he didn’t often offer to involve himself with strangers.

Still, it was a reasonable assumption that traveling with an armed do-gooder would be safer than staying in this town. He also knew for a fact that if he spent much longer on his own with only Iselmyr to converse with, he would be severely risking his sanity.

And so, not knowing what he was getting himself into, he asked Desta if they could travel together.

 

* * *

 

At first it was a temporary arrangement.

Desta knew from the beginning that Aloth was weird. Not that she was judging- even without the strange visions and voices in her head, she was plenty weird herself. Her horns and vines alone were enough to earn her stares wherever she went, and she’d always had a habit of ending up in messy situations without meaning to.

So it didn’t really bother her that Aloth was clearly out of place in the rural village, with his fine Aedyran features and accent, and his formal magic training, and the mannerisms that spoke of time spent around nobility. She _was_ curious about the odd mood swings and the second accent he refused to acknowledge, but she didn’t have the energy to pursue those topics at the moment.

For now, Desta was grateful for someone that wasn’t attacking her or hanging people from trees. After the disastrous end to her job with the caravan and the hostile greeting she’d received from the villagers, that was enough.

“A biawac?” he asked after she relayed her story. His brows knitted together in concern. “I’ve heard tales of such things. It’s not common to survive an encounter with one.”

“And that wasn’t even the weirdest thing that happened,” Desta said. “I don’t even know _what_ happened, to be honest. There was a ritual, and people in robes, and-” a large yawn cut off her words, and she gave Aloth an apologetic glance. “Sorry. It’s been a long couple of days, and I haven’t had much chance to rest.”

“Of course,” Aloth said quickly. “We should get some sleep. There will be time to talk tomorrow.”

Even with their combined funds, Desta and Aloth barely had enough money to secure a single room. It was cramped, but there was a bed and a fireplace and that was enough for Desta to nearly collapse in relief.

Aloth insisted she take the bed- “ _You_ came to _my_ rescue, after all,”- and by then Desta couldn’t muster up more than a mild protest. She’d slept in much worse conditions, but she’d never been this exhausted before. So she relented, and as Aloth situated himself in the armchair next to the fire, she sank into the bed and waited for sleep to come.

But sleep refused. Desta was warm and safe and on a real bed for the first time in weeks, but none of that was the problem. The problem was the dreams. The whispers, quiet but relentless, that kept her just on the edge of true rest.

Desta fought against the whispers for much of the night. A new wave of guilt hit her every time she glanced at Aloth asleep in the chair, a spare quilt tucked around his angular form and long dark hair covering his face. She should have made him take the bed- it was obvious now she wasn’t going to get much use out of it. Next time, she would be more insistent.

If there was a next time. It wasn’t clear how long Aloth was planning on sticking around. But he didn’t seem to have anywhere else to go, and Desta found herself oddly glad. If she was going to spend the night tossing and turning, at least she would some have decent company in the morning.

 

* * *

 

Desta half-expected Aloth to disappear after their first day traveling together, but he had a way of surprising her.

Even after they reached Defiance Bay, Aloth stuck around. Others had joined her quest as well, and she regarded them all as good friends (with the exception of Durance, whom she couldn’t get to leave.) But there was something different about Aloth, something she couldn’t put her finger on.

After one particularly fitful night of sleep, he approached her with a cup of tea and some hesitant questions about her abilities. They talked until the sun finally crept above the horizon, until he finally asked, “It’s hard, isn’t it? Not being given a choice on what life you remember?”

Desta laughed, softly and without humor. “Yeah. It is.”

“If you had been given the choice… would you have chosen this?”

Desta considered the question. At the moment, her immediate response was _no._ She missed sleeping through the night and living without headaches.

But on the other hand, she’d helped so many people already with these powers. Being a Watcher meant she could do things she never could have otherwise, and so far the world seemed better for it.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly, and the words were sour in her mouth. Before all this Watcher business, she’d known exactly who she was. She was a paladin, a Kind Wayfarer, somebody with a clear purpose to follow.

( _You are an Inquisitor,_ she remembered, and she didn’t know if the voice in her head was her own. _You have a purpose.)_

Desta felt as if her once solid foundation was beginning to crack.

Aloth watched her expression and nodded. “I know how it feels to be lost,” he remarked. “At least I know I’m not alone in uncertainty.”

Somehow, that made Desta feel a little bit better.

 

* * *

 

What began as a simple partnership shifted, a little at a time.

Aloth meant to keep some distance between himself and the Watcher. It wasn’t necessarily that he didn’t trust her; he just didn’t think it was a good idea to tell the unpredictable, passionate woman with a mace that he was a member of the organization that was trying to kill her.

At least not until he figured out what was going on. He didn’t like the idea of the Leaden Key attempting to assassinate Desta. Despite the trouble that followed at her heels, she was a good person. Every fight she threw herself into, every new obstacle she tackled, was for the sake of someone who had turned to her for help.

If The Leaden Key were truly the ones after her, there had to have been some severe misunderstanding, something that could be explained. Aloth would bide his time until he was back in contact with his superiors, and once he had sorted this out… then he might tell her. Once this was fixed, she might understand. Until then, she didn’t have to know anything about Aloth that she didn’t already know.

But Desta had a habit of getting involved in other people’s problems, and Aloth’s carefully-laid plans had a habit of falling apart.

They were investigating the Leaden Key hideout, so close to the answers Aloth was seeking, when Iselmyr came bursting out to complicate things. As usual.

And like she always did, Desta helped. She listened and understood and never once betrayed a hint of the fear Aloth had learned to expect back in Aedyr.

“We’ll get to the bottom of this, I promise,” she declared to him as they entered the sanitarium, on the search for an Awakening expert.

“I’m here. You’re safe,” she murmured as they sat with the animancer, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I think you’re going to be okay,” she said thoughtfully after, as if she didn’t consider Iselmyr’s rantings distressing. “I think she’s trying to help, in her own way.”

“Whatever her intentions, ‘her way’ only ever causes more problems than it solves,” Aloth grumbled.

“ _I donnae know why I bother! The lad needs some spine, but he won’ admit to it.”_

Aloth wrestled back control of his voice. The session, although informative, had stirred Iselmyr up. He shot Desta a look saying _See what I mean?_

Desta sighed. “I admit, she’s rather reckless. And violence should be kept as a last resort. But sometimes it is necessary. Especially,” she paused, and Aloth had the impression she was choosing her words carefully. “Especially if you’re stopping someone from hurting someone else. Whatever her faults, I’m glad Iselmyr was around to protect you.”

Aloth softened at her words. It was possible, however slightly, that she had a point. Iselmyr was still a thorn in his side, but knowing what had brought her forth made the thorn sting a little less.

“Thank you, by the way,” he said to Desta. He rubbed his thumb across his palm, remembering the steady weight of her hand in his. “For everything.”

 

* * *

 

Once Desta met Iselmyr, it all made sense. Of course Aloth understood her better than the others. He was the one who could relate to feeling of someone else’s voice in his head. It also explained why he was so anxiously secretive. It couldn’t be easy, hiding something like that from everyone you met.

It only made Desta all the more grateful that he was still here.

“Now that you have your answers, what are your plans?” she asked a few days after the session at the sanitarium.

Aloth looked startled by the question. “Answers?”

“Well, you don’t how to control her, but you found out why Iselmyr is here. What now?”

“Oh.” Aloth still didn’t seem to completely understand the question. “I’m traveling with you until we find Thaos. What else?”

“Really?”

He studied her for a moment, eyes full of concern. “Did you think I would leave so quickly?”

Desta shrugged, suddenly embarrassed by her assumption. She fumbled for the words to explain. “That’s the job, you know? I meet people, we travel together, and then they get where they’re going and I… just keep moving.”

“But the job’s not done yet,” Aloth said, and Desta gave him a questioning look. He elaborated, “ _You_ still need help. I want to make sure you don’t killed by the Leaden Key, or driven mad by your Watcher abilities. Of course I’m not leaving.”

“Oh.” The pleasant surprise brought a smile to her face. “Thank you. It’s good to have… friends.”

Aloth smiled fondly. “I agree.”

This- having somebody looking out for her, not just the other way around- was new. It wasn’t necessary, Desta told herself. She was more than capable of handling whatever came her way. But it was a blessing to know that she could stop and take a breath and trust someone else, just for a little while.

 

* * *

 

_Friends._

The word left Aloth with a gnawing guilt that refused to subside. Of course they were friends, no matter how Aloth had initially intended to keep his distance. Desta had helped him, had trusted him, and she deserved honesty in return.

He would tell her about the Leaden Key. He just worried that once he did, her view of him would be permanently changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this is an idea I've had in my head for a while- this story will follow Aloth and Desta through the key moments of their relationship. I'll also give a song I associate with them for each chapter, because my Aloth/Desta playlist is what prompted me to write this in the first place.
> 
> The song for this chapter is [Act of Kindness by Bastille](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTM4GSJAZQ4)  
> Thank you for reading!


	2. A Thousand Hours

There were moments, in between the battles and quests and near-death experiences, when the world was _not_ at stake. These were the moments when Desta and Aloth could take a break from being a Watcher with ghosts in her head and a runaway agent with too many secrets, and simply be people.

 

* * *

 

“It’s coming along pretty well, isn’t it?”

Desta smiled down at the castle and courtyards spread out below the western wall of Caed Nua. _Her_ castle, _her_ courtyards. It was far from complete- to be honest, it was still mostly rubble and dust, littered with remnants of monsters and bandits that had been foolish enough to attack the new Lady of the land. But even so, it was feeling more alive every day.

Aloth was not so easily impressed. He studied the keep with a critical eye and gave Desta a halfhearted shrug. “Compared to what it was before… ”

Desta was unfazed his lack of enthusiasm. “And there’s more to come! We’ll get the walls up first for protection- there are _so_ many bandits out here. I should send some patrols out to handle that. But first I’ll probably need money to pay them. And barracks, I suppose-”

“Desta?” Aloth raised an eyebrow, and Desta grinned sheepishly as she pulled her focus back to the topic at hand.

“Right. So, walls first. And barracks off the main hall. And then I’ll clear all this rubble from the courtyards, fix up those old watchtowers, rebuild some of these market stalls. And over there-” she pointed excitedly to the far corner of the wide yard, a sizable patch of space overgrown with decades’ worth of uninhibited brush and ivy- “is where the gardens will go!”

Aloth nodded along, but he was more concerned with other aspects of the keep. “Any chance the old library will be in proper condition soon?” The room had been unearthed a few days ago, but was still full of cobwebs and rotting wood. Aloth could only hope that the magic running through the keep had kept at least some of the books from being ruined. He was certain Desta must be eager to restore the library as well- he could only imagine what knowledge was stored among those shelves.

But Desta only looked confused. “I have a library?”

 “You didn’t know?”

“There are a _lot_ of rooms in this place, Aloth.”

 

* * *

 

“Where did you learn this type of magic?”

The group had just fought off a pack of wolves, and Aloth was watching with interest as Desta inspected the bite marks on Eder’s shoulder, smoothly closing the wounds with hands full of healing magic. Aloth had never had much opportunity to observe the practice of such magic. His schooling had never touched upon it, the subject being typically reserved for those in religious or paladin orders.

The question took Desta by surprise. She finished her work on Eder and turned to Aloth with a shrug. “Train? Nowhere, really. I picked up most of this on the road, with the Wayfarers. Not very formal training, but when you’re a three days’ walk from the nearest village and need to patch up your wounds, you’re well motivated.”

“I’ll say,” commented Eder say he stretched out his arm. “Wish you could’ve done that to my bite from Itumaak.”

“You should’ve _told_ me about that one before it turned purple,” Desta scolded.

“You just ‘picked it up’?” Aloth interrupted. He knew this magic was of a different nature than his well-defined and structured spells, but it was still hard to believe that such effective magic was learned so casually. “Surely it required _some_ study of arcane theory.”

“That’s wizard stuff,” Desta explained, shaking her head. She wished she could put the feeling into words. But her abilities were, by their very nature, not something to be explained and analyzed. “Paladin magic is different- it’s something you feel, not something you know.”

“That seems…” Aloth searched for a way to describe such a vague description of spellcasting. He finally settled on, “…maddening.”

Desta laughed. “And having to write down each of your spells and tote them around in a book _isn’t_ ‘maddening?’”

The ensuing debate on the merits of different magical practices lasted the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

“What accent is that, Aloth?”

Aloth flinched slightly at the question. “Aedyran?” he answered hopefully. He knew this likely wasn’t what Desta was referring to, and his concern was justified when she shook her head.

“No, the other one. Iselymr’s accent. I haven’t heard anything quite like it, and I’ve done my fair share of traveling.”

It was an innocent enough question, but it was exactly the type of thing that would draw Iselmyr out. Aloth felt the familiar creeping of a foreign consciousness taking over as Iselmyr used his voice to answer.

“ _Ye shites are the ones wit accents! If ye could unlog yer ears, ye’d know my jawin’ is the proper way!”_

Desta tried to follow along, but she could only catch a few words through the thickness of the accent. From Aloth’s following sigh, however, she could guess that Iselmyr had made some sort of insult. She frowned, disappointed that she hadn’t been able to make it out. “Wow. I wish I could actually understand her.”

“If I were you, I would be glad I couldn’t.”

Desta gave him a teasing smile. “Don’t worry- I swear I’m getting better at it! A little practice and I won’t need you to translate anymore.”

Aloth shook his head emphatically. “Honestly, she hardly says anything worth hearing. Consider yourself fortunate.”

“ _Nay, better tae listen tae me than tae this lad’s ninnying all day.”_

Desta quickly covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. Even if she couldn’t comprehend all the words, the expression on Aloth’s face when he recovered was enough to understand the message.

 

* * *

 

“How much further is the keep?”

Aloth’s question was answered with an eye roll from Desta. She nudged him playfully, nearly causing him to trip over his feet on the dusty trail.

“Oh, not much further. But I don’t see why you’re complaining. I think it’s lovely weather for a walk.”

“For the Dyrwood, perhaps. It’s still a bit cold for my liking.” In truth, the weather _was_ relatively nice. Aloth was simply weary of travel and ready to return to real bedding and fireplaces and a comfortable space to retreat into a book.

Desta could tell exactly what he was thinking. “You just want to hide away in the library again. Maybe if you spent more time out on the grounds, you’d be adjusted to the weather by now. There are some very nice trails in the woods near Caed Nua, you know.”

“Is that a joke?” Aloth asked with a raised eyebrow. “I already spend plenty of time traipsing about in the rain.”

Desta turned towards with him pleading eyes. “At least come see the gardens when we get back. Some of the flowers have begun to bloom.”

Perhaps it was the weather, or the hopeful look on Desta’ face, or even an actual desire to see the gardens. Whatever the reason, Aloth didn’t immediately dismiss the idea. “That… does sound nice. But only for a little while. Then I’m finding a warm place to read.”

 

* * *

 

“Wow. This place is bigger than I thought.”

Aloth looked up from his book to see Desta hovering in the doorway of the library. She cast a wary look at the bookshelves, as if expecting something to leap out at her- and, Aloth supposed, with her track record the concern wasn’t completely unwarranted.

“I’m surprised you remembered where it is,” he said lightly as Desta stepped up to one of the shelves and ran her fingers across the books it held.

“Actually, I did have to ask the Steward for directions.” Desta flashed a grin at Aloth, then turned away from the shelf and settled into one of the armchairs. “Joking aside, the Steward did a good job with this place. It’s the perfect place to hide from Gathbin’s messenger.” At Aloth’s questioning glance, Desta sighed and elaborated. “I’m hoping if he can’t track me down, Gathbin will get over this silly ‘feud’ nonsense.”

Aloth chuckled. He’d met nobles like Gathbin before, men with more pride than sense. The truce Desta was hoping for didn’t seem likely. If she was going to wait for him to relent, she would be waiting a long time.

With that thought in mind, Aloth turned to the stack of books at his side and began sorting through, searching for a specific title. “Until then, might I suggest some reading material? There are some wonderful essays on the nature of different schools of magic-”

“This again?”

“I struggle to believe you have _no_ curiosity about the machinations behind magical practices. And these are my personal favorites.”

Aloth at last found the book he was looking for and held it out expectantly to Desta, who hesitated a moment before accepting. She didn’t know exactly how long it had been since she’d read a book simply for the sake of reading. Easy access to libraries wasn’t something that came along often in her line of work, nor was it a personal priority. Places like this only brought back lonely memories of being forced to study things she didn’t care about. But the earnest curiosity in Aloth’s voice as he talked about the book was hard to refuse. “Fine. But don’t expect me to finish it in a day.”

“You needn’t read the entire book so quickly,” Aloth said with a satisfied smile. “The first few chapters will suffice.”

 

* * *

 

“Your flowers are coming along nicely.”

Aloth didn’t actually know much about fauna, but the flowers were blooming, at least, and Desta beamed at the compliment. “Thank you! The garden’s doing better than even I had hoped. There’s such variety here, I never would have expected it of the Dyrwood.” Desta had a sneaking suspicion the garden’s variety had more to do with Hiravias’s druid talents than the Dyrwood’s natural climate, but she chose to ignore that for the time being. It was nice to imagine that the garden’s success was due to her own literal green thumb.

And Aloth had helped as well, in his own way. “Thank you again for the botany manuals,” Desta said. The gardening books had been found by Aloth in the depths of the library, along with more magic and history books he’d insisted on lending to Desta.

“I’m glad they’ve been helpful.” Aloth leaned over to inspect a small cluster of purple flowers. The colors really were a pleasant change from the usual drabness of the Dyrwood. Desta had taken to filling the rooms of Caed Nua with vases of the colorful blossoms, and it gave the castle a home-like feeling Aloth hadn’t experienced in a long time.

“And we’ve finally made some headway on the greenhouse! Would you like to see it?” Desta’s eyes lit up with excitement as she spoke, and of course Aloth was soon following her to the greenhouses, listening to her ramble happily as they walked.

 

* * *

 

The hour was late but neither Desta nor Aloth were making moves to leave the main room of Brighthollow for the comfort of their beds.

Desta had spent the day in the gardens, and her attention was fixed on the arrangement of flowers in the vase before her. She studied the colors with a thoughtful eye, occasionally switching out a wilted bloom for a fresh one in the pile beside her. Aloth sat nearby, curled in an armchair, making careful notes in his grimoire as he compared his spells to the other arcane books laid open before him.

Neither spoke, but both enjoyed the quiet peace that had formed around them. Caed Nua had provided a respite, but tomorrow they would return to their mission. Desta had received a letter from Lady Webb about an upcoming animancy trial, and Aloth had a sense that the Leaden Key would soon be putting their plans into action.

They would deal with these matters. It was what they did- in fact, Desta and her team were becoming known as local heroes. But their roles as heroes wouldn’t start again until the next morning, when they left for Defiance Bay.

Until then, they were just enjoying a quiet night of peace together amidst the chaos of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This chapter took a little longer than I thought it would, but I got there eventually! This was mostly based off some banter headcanons between Desta and Aloth that I've had in my head and have been been meaning to write down, and this seemed like a good place to put it. Suggested listening for this chapter is [Quiet by Lights](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0Ohl3MMq0o)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Lonely Too Long

Just as Aloth was becoming comfortable in his new life with the Watcher, the rest of the world decided to spiral into madness, and of course the descent was initiated by the Leaden Key. By Thaos, who murdered the duc in front of every major power in Defiance Bay.

Desta tried to catch him afterwards, but it was like trying to catch a puff of smoke. She burst through the doors of the Ducal Palace into the courtyard, Aloth and the others following quickly at her heels, but Aloth knew already what they would find- nothing. No sign of Thaos would be left here, nothing but the duc’s body lying in the assembly chambers behind them.

In the distance, people were shouting, demanding to know what was happening inside as the guards tried to press them back. One shrill scream managed to pierce the noise.

“ _Animancers murdered the duc!”_

The shouts from the crowd increased to a roar, and the guards began to draw their blades. Desta made to move towards them, but Eder placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey, we gotta _go._ The people here are about to get either real scared or real angry. Trust me, you don’t want to be around for that.”

Desta looked desperately to her companions. “But this is exactly what Thaos wanted, we can’t just leave-”

“Look.” Sagani motioned upwards, and dread filled Aloth’s chest as he saw what she was pointing at- a thin but rapidly growing trail of dark smoke curling towards the sky. “That'll be the sanitarium,” Sagani said. “Whatever’s happening… it’s bigger than we can fix right now.”

Desta stood frozen as she took in the scene before her, and Aloth knew she didn’t want to accept the bitter truth: whatever help they could provide would not be enough to save this city. He took a hesitant step forward, moving to look her in the eye. “Desta. It’s too late.”

At last she took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Let’s go.”

By the time they made it to the bridge, the city had fallen into a state of chaos. The fire seemed to be everywhere now, filling the air with heat and smoke and the urgent rush of fear. Every flicker of flame, every distant scream, only added to the guilt coiling tightly inside Aloth’s chest.

He couldn’t keep this secret anymore. If he didn’t tell Desta now, he would never work up the courage. When finally they had made it across the bridge, a safe distance from the fire, he spoke up in a choked voice. “Wait!”

Desta stopped in her tacks and spun around, her gaze sweeping over Aloth in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I-” Aloth began to speak, but faltered. He didn’t even know where to start. Wringing his hands, he took a ragged breath to gather himself and began again. “I have not been entirely honest about my motives in traveling with you up to this point.”

He began at the beginning. The need to escape his family. The desire to prevent tragedies such as the one he’d seen at school. The lies and illusions that had for so long shrouded the Leaden Key’s true purpose. And at the end of it all, Gilded Vale, and months without orders, and a chance meeting with a Watcher. The confession spilled out of him without finesse as he tried, desperately, to explain.

Even as he spoke, he thought for sure this would be the final straw, the one secret too many. Defiance Bay was burning before their eyes because of the man Desta was fighting against, the very same man Aloth had followed for years without question. Every justification felt hollow on his lips. He expected- deserved- her anger, but when she spoke her voice was quiet.

“So… you knew I was coming? Thaos sent you to me? This whole time…” Her eyes were fixed on him, the dancing lights of the fire reflected in their strange glow.

“I had no idea I would meet you! I haven’t had contact with the Leaden Key for ages!” Aloth protested. “I didn’t know…” He trailed off. Was there anything he could really say in defense of himself? “I didn’t know. I just… needed some direction. When you told me of the ritual you witnessed, I thought you could lead me back to the Leaden Key.”

His eyes dropped to the ground. “And you did. But what we found wasn’t at all what I expected. I never thought the Leaden Key would go this far. And now the whole city is in flames.”

He heard Pallegina scoff, but none of the others in their group said anything. They all seemed to be waiting on Desta’s cue. She nodded, but Aloth didn’t have the slightest clue as to what she was thinking. “Well, you’ve found the Leaden Key,” she said slowly. “And you know what they really are. What do you want to do now?”

“I’m not going back,” he said. There were precious few things he was certain of now, but he at least knew one thing for sure. “I’m not one of them. Not anymore. I… I hope you accept my apology. And my service. Whatever Thaos is doing, I want to stop him.”

“First, let me make one thing clear,” Desta stated firmly, and Aloth braced himself for the inevitable anger and rejection.

“I want you here, but you can’t treat me like Thaos.”

Aloth blinked in confusion, and Desta continued. “Don’t follow me blindly because you think you owe me anything. You’re not trading one master for another. I will take your apology. But as for your service… this needs to be your choice, not an obligation.”

The words took a moment to arrange themselves sensibly in Aloth’s head. “You would still have me travel with you?”

“Of course I would.” Desta took a step toward him, her expression sad but determined. “Aloth, you’re a good person. And what’s more, you’re my _friend._ Of course I want you to stay. So long as it’s beside me and not behind me.”

Aloth let out a shaky breath. The smoke from the burning city still stung his eyes, and he blinked hard, but despite the turmoil of the city and the anxiety that still twisted in his stomach, a heavy weight had disappeared from his shoulders.

The immediate acceptance granted to him was unbelievable and yet so undeniably _Desta._ She saw the good in everybody. Even him, even now. And Aloth decided, with a conviction stronger than he had ever felt before, that he would not let her down.

“I would be honored to fight beside you,” he said, and when Desta smiled he knew he had made the right choice.

 

* * *

 

After the riots in Defiance Bay, Desta was more determined than ever to stop Thaos before he could cause any more damage. As she and her group followed Lady Webb’s directions, she resolved to let nothing delay her search for answers.

When they arrived in the Twin Elms, however, Desta was unprepared for just how violently the place reminded her of home.

Under normal conditions, this wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. There was plenty Desta missed about the Living Lands. The flora was lush and beautiful, with tall, sprawling trees that made for breathtaking landscapes. This beauty was what Desta tried to focus on now as she walked aimlessly through the grassy paths of the city, leaning back to peer up into the branches of the large elms above. In the distance, she could still see the towering trees that marked the entrance to Teir Evron.

Desta had been skeptical of Teir Evron at first, not believing the grove would truly allow her to catch the attention of the gods. Now, she didn’t know what to think.

She had left her companions at the inn, trusting them to entertain themselves for the night. The whispers in the back of her mind and hazy figures at the edge of her vision told her that she should be busying herself to fulfill the god’s wishes. She needed their favor to reach Thaos, and with her condition worsening, she was running out of time.

But they could wait for at least one night. After all, she had waited, hadn’t she? Waited years and years and _years_ for Galawain to actually speak to her, and of course when he did it was only an order, a bargain, even with her _soul at stake-_

 “Desta?”

Aloth’s voice stirred her from her thoughts. She hadn’t heard him follow her- but then, she’d been rather distracted. Aloth approached her with questioning eyes, drawing up beside her as she paused under one of the shady trees. “I don’t mean to intrude. I simply wanted to check on you after today’s revelations.”

“I’m fine,” Desta answered automatically. Aloth’s concern was touching, but he didn’t need to be bothered with her right now. “I just wanted to clear my head a bit.”

Aloth nodded, but made no move to leave. “You did just commune with the gods,” he said. “I’m sure you have plenty to think about. And then there’s what the delemgan said. If they’re right, we’re both stuck with our Awakenings. Not quite the news either of us was hoping for, was it?”

“Oh. Right. That, too.” Desta rubbed her temples as another wave of whispers from the past rolled through her mind. When the noise subsided, she said, “We just need to focus on getting to Thaos. And we need the gods’ help to do that…” her mouth twisted into a frown just at the sound of the words.

Somewhere inside of her, Desta could feel the once-Inquisitor thirst for the chance to please the gods, no matter what- or who- stood in her way. The knowledge did nothing to ease Desta’s present headache.

She could feel Aloth watching her as the old memories played upon her mind. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“This place reminds me of home.” The words were out of her mouth before she had even decided to say them. She hadn’t spoken of her home- wasn’t completely sure the words was even suitable- in a long time.

Aloth hesitated before responding, reading her troubled expression. “Do you miss it?”

Desta shrugged. “Not really. I left for a reason, after all. It’s kind of funny, in a way, because that reason was to get away from the gods and their plans and now I have a list of errands to run for them.” She shook her head, as if doing so would shake away the bitter thoughts. She had a job to do- she shouldn’t be moping about wounds that should be closed over by now. It was a mistake just to be pausing in her mission like this, and mulling over the past wouldn’t improve anything. She turned her back on the overgrown tree and resumed walking through the district. “We should start with those elves that are messing with Rymyrgand’s realm- that seems the most pressing. Then-”

“Slow down,” Aloth said, hurrying to keep pace with her. “What do you mean, getting away from the gods?”

Desta’s first instinct was to brush off the question, but something in Aloth’s honestly curious expression stopped her. She thought back to their conversations on Aloth’s own past, and decided that fair was fair. “Back home, I was supposed to be a priestess. Of Galawain.”

The look on Aloth’s face almost made everything worth it. Despite her mood, Desta couldn’t help laughing. “I wasn’t born a paladin, you know.”

“Of course not,” Aloth said, but incredulity still colored his face. “It’s just that I am having a difficult time imagining you in service to Galawain.”

Of course he would. Desta had never been shy about voicing her opinion of the gods- especially the Lord of the Hunt. She sighed and readied herself for an explanation. “I was actually raised in a temple dedicated to Galawain.”

“You were _raised_ there?”

“I was… left, as a baby.” Desta glanced away, trying to pretend Aloth wasn’t giving her the pitying look people so often did. “It’s a common enough practice for dealing with godlike children, I hear. Especially those ‘blessed’ by Galawain. Leave them to the wilderness, let the gods decide their fate. The local temple found me. I was raised there, and taught there, and I was supposed to eventually lead it.”

“But it always felt wrong. Galawain is not a kind god. You know what they call him in the Living Lands? The Father of Monsters.” The title still left a sour taste in Desta’s mouth, but she bit her tongue and didn’t linger on it. “And his teachings… I just didn’t want anything to do with it. So I left. Eventually I found the Wayfarers- or they found me, I suppose- and now, here I am.” She laughed, and there was that bitterness, bleeding through again. “All that effort trying not to spend my life serving one god’s whims, and now I’m on my way to serve the whims of all of them. Because even when kith are in danger, we have to prove some sort of test to be worthy of their aid. Gods forbid they simply _help_ anybody because it’s _right!_ ”

Aloth was quiet for a moment, and Desta had the impression he was still processing this information. She berated herself internally for unloading so much of her own past upon the poor man. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get into all of that. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

“You have nothing at all to be sorry for,” Aloth assured her. “I’m just wondering why you’ve never talked about this before.”

Desta shrugged. “No reason to. I’m fine, really. I don’t love the prospect of dealing with the gods, but I know we have to. I probably shouldn’t complain- at least the gods are doing _something_ to help.”

Aloth gave her a small smile and shook his head. “After everything you’ve been through- and everything you’ve helped me through- I think you’ve earned the right to complain much more than this.”

The reassuring words eased some of the tension that had been building inside of Desta, and the release of her short rant did leave her mind feeling less heavy than it had before. “Maybe so. Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Aloth flashed her a quick, shy smile. “And I do mean that. You don’t always have to hold the weight of the world all by yourself.”

They walked in silence for a while, and despite the voices that still pushed at the back of Desta’s mind, she felt much more at ease than she had all day. Aloth, on the other hand, wore a thoughtful expression that told her something was still on his mind. As they approached the inn where the rest of the group was waiting, he said, “Do you remember that other bit? About the gods not being real. Do you know what the delemgan meant by that?”

“No idea,” Desta said. That was another thing she had been trying not to think too much about. There were too many adjustments to her worldview needed to untangle that particular implication. “But I’m sure I’ll find out what they meant by that soon enough.”

“ _We’ll_ find out,” Aloth stressed. “You’re not in this alone. I’m with you until the end.”

His face contorted into an expression Desta now quickly recognized as Iselymr. “ _Aye_. _Both of us are._ ”

The eager grin morphed into an irritated frown as Aloth returned. Desta couldn’t help but chuckle at the abrupt change. “And by the way… I know this wasn’t what you were hoping for, but maybe you shouldn’t be so eager to undo your Awakening. I think you and Iselymr make a pretty good team once you find something to agree on.”

“Perhaps.” Aloth’s mouth thinned as he considered the thought, but he soon turned his attention earnestly back to Desta. “In any case, I meant what I was saying before she interrupted. I’ll be there. At your side.”

Desta smiled. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Suggested listening for this chapter is [Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnxvfywpyOU). And if you like following along with the song inspirations, check out the playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/emilyataashi/playlist/0cIFqmHBOW6XEbUr9Iybkq?si=1Wj-FBP-R9Sr-UxUQkUlnw)!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Last Chance

For so long, Desta had been focused on finding Thaos, resolving her Awakened memories, and ending the Hollowborn crisis. She always knew her goals were lofty, and she knew the journey would be long, and although she never voiced it, she knew she might not survive her quest.

But she did it. She completed her mission, body and mind still intact, and now she wasn’t sure what came next.

In her old life, she would have simply continued on, traveling to the next town, the next quest, the next person in need of her services. But although Thaos was gone, the Dyrwood was still recovering. Defiance Bay was facing a long period of rebuilding, and the kith would need her help more than ever.

And then there was Caed Nua. The Steward had performed their job well while Desta had been hunting the Leaden Key, and what was once a ruin was now a true castle complete with hedge mazes and amphitheaters and ballrooms, all restored to its former glory. Desta loved the place, but when she stood on the walls and overlooked the enormous estate, it was still nearly impossible to believe it was all _hers._

But hers it was, and so for the first time in a long while, Desta went home.

Many of her friends did the same. They would always be welcome at Caed Nua, but they had their own homes and families waiting for them. Sagani said her goodbyes with a hug and a smile and a promise to write often. Pallegina departed with a nervous but determined look, ready to face whatever judgment awaited her in the Republics. Eder left to join in the recovery efforts, traveling to villages on his own and helping people get back on their feet. Kana, Maneha, Hiravias… one by one, they each slipped back into their old lives.

Desta would miss her friends terribly, but she was happy to know she had helped them. And she was secretly relieved, because through all of the changes and transitions in her life in the months after Thaos’s defeat, she still had Aloth.

 

* * *

 

The last few months in Aloth’s life had been stressful, to say the least. In a relatively short span of time, he’d aided in the defeat of the leader of an organization he’d once been a member of, had witnessed the person he now considered his best friend commune with the gods on multiple occasions, and had settled into a new coexistence with Iselmyr.

And now he found himself living at Caed Nua, helping Desta with the day-to-day tasks of running the keep. Most of their other companions had gone their own ways, but Aloth didn’t exactly have anywhere else to go. His only plans at the moment were to gather as much information on the remaining Leaden Key sects as possible, but people like that were hard to track down. In the meantime, he made himself as useful as he could, hoping he wasn’t overstaying his welcome. His worries, he knew, were unfounded, as Desta seemed genuinely happy to still have him around.

_Fye, ye two are nearly as dense ‘tween the ears as ye are sickening._

Aloth frowned as Iselmyr’s thoughts threatened to distract him from the map laid out before him. Iselmyr had been more conversational as of late. It was a mixed blessing; her presence came more readily now, but at least she was no longer trying to completely wrest away his control.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he muttered under his breath, trying to return his focus to the map. He and Desta had cleared out the last of the Leaden Key agents still within the Dyrwood. Even without the rest of their team, it hadn’t been a difficult task. The two of them worked well together-

_Would ye jes’ bed the woman and be done with it already?_

Aloth coughed violently and, out of habit, clapped a hand over his own mouth. He cast a furtive glance around the library, and only once he was sure it was empty did he lower his hand and unclench his jaw. Iselmyr hadn’t spoken out loud, but Aloth knew his face was a burning red anyway.

“It’s not like that at all,” he whispered furtively. “And I’d thank you to drop the subject.” The last thing he needed was for Iselmyr to offend Desta with such ideas.

He could feel the aggravated sigh Iselmyr gave. _If offendin’ the lass is what worries ye, jes’ give me control fer a spell. I reckon I know more than ye aboot pleasin’ a lass…_

“ _No,”_ Aloth insisted. “And this conversation is over.” Iselmyr stewed in her annoyance for a while, but eventually faded back into the background of his thoughts. Even without her interruptions, however, Aloth found it was quite impossible to regain his concentration.

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe the Steward is making me do this,” Desta said darkly.

She knew was being petulant. At the moment, she didn’t care. She’d already fought a battle over this place- shouldn’t that be enough for people to accept her as Lady of Caed Nua?

Not according to the Steward. The Steward insisted that now that the Dyrwood was stable once more, a proper introduction to the neighboring nobility was of the utmost importance. And that meant a ball. A fancy ball involving feasts and dancing and other things nobility indulged in. Before Desta could do anything to stop it, invitations had been sent and preparations had been made. For a statue, the Steward was remarkably meddling.

Thankfully, Aloth was willing to offer his help. He was obviously trying not to appear amused by Desta’s complaints, but was not quite succeeding.  “It’s not so bad,” Aloth told her. “You’ve faced dragons with less fuss.”

“I don’t need a dress to face a dragon.” Desta’s voice was sullen as she stared at the entrance to the tailor’s shop, mentally preparing herself. Acquiring fitting clothing could be a difficult task for her at the best of times; she wasn’t eager to discover how much worse it was to find proper _formal_ clothing.

Aloth gave her a reassuring smile. “You needn’t worry so much. I’ve been to functions such as this. When I began my arcane training, I was expected to one day serve a noble house of the Aedyran Empire. It’s not easy to avoid events like this in those circles, even at a young age. But it’s not quite the torture you imagine.”

Desta still wasn’t entirely convinced, but there was no point in arguing any further. She steeled herself and stepped into the tailor’s store.

The tailor must have been waiting for her, because as soon she stepped in the frazzled-looking human began hovering around her and taking measurements with a determined expression.

“The Watcher! What an honor, what an honor,” they exclaimed, although their eyes never left the ruler and notepad in their hands. They muttered numbers under their breath, musing to themselves as they measured. “Taller than I expected. I’ve never outfitted one of your kind before, you know. But have no fear, I will certainly rise to the challenge.”

Desta made a face at Aloth from over the tailor’s shoulder, but he was more occupied with the bolts of fabrics lining the walls. His face had taken on a thoughtful expression, and Desta realized that he was actually _enjoying_ this.

After many more long moments of prodding and poking, the tailor finished their measurements and hurried away. Desta let out a grateful sigh. “Hopefully I don’t give them too much trouble.”

“They came highly recommended,” Aloth remarked. “I’m certain they’ll make something that looks wonderful.”

“I just hope they can make something that _fits_. I don’t care much what it looks like.”

Aloth gave her a scandalized look. “How can you not care what it looks like? You do have a style in mind, don’t you?”

There was a beat of silence as Desta tried to remember if she even _knew_ of any ballgown styles. “Um, no?”

“A color?” Aloth’s voice was beginning to sound desperate.

“I don’t know. Not green, probably.” Aloth only stared at her, and Desta shrugged helplessly. “I thought the tailor decided all of this!”

Apparently she was mistaken, for what followed was a long explanation from Aloth regarding the different styles and fabrics and colors available to choose from as he pointed out the options on the shelves.

Desta appreciated his help, but it was becoming overwhelming. Before becoming Lady of a castle, she’d always simply worn what was available and fit reasonably well. What her outfits looked like had always been somewhat irrelevant.

“I just don’t think it matters,” she said at last, interrupting Aloth’s enthusiastic descriptions. “Perhaps for you, it does. You’re…” Desta trailed off, unsure of what she’d been about to say. Aloth was, in what Desta considered her objective opinion, fairly good-looking, and she could see how the colors and cuts of an outfit could accentuate that. But it suddenly felt odd to voice that out loud. “…not a godlike,” she said instead. She shrugged and looked away, “I am, and no matter what I wear, I’m going to look like a tree.”

She tried to keep her tone light-hearted as she spoke. It wasn’t that Desta minded the way she looked; despite her feelings towards Galawain, she was rather fond of her own appearance. She couldn’t imagine herself as looking any differently. But she also knew that her moss and her vines and the general strangeness of herself meant that she would always make some people uncomfortable, and no lace or silk would change that.

Aloth considered her words for a moment. At last he said, “You don’t have to look a certain way to enjoy fine clothing.” A faint blush colored his ears as he added, “That being said, I do think you’d look splendid in any of these outfits. Leaves included.”

His words eased the anxious tension that had been building in Desta’s chest and brought a small smile to her face. “Even if just wrapped myself in bright green curtains?”

Aloth’s mouth twitched. “Even then.”

Desta laughed. “That’s kind of you to say.” She looked at the piles of fabric laid out before her, trying to evaluate her options in a new way. A sample of soft rose gold caught her eyes, and she brushed her fingers lightly against it. “I think this one is nice. Maybe I’ll give the tailor a chance to ‘rise to the challenge’ after all.” She raised an eyebrow at Aloth. “Although, I still don’t see why I can’t just wear my armor.”

“You could, but it would make the dancing a bit more difficult.”

“Dancing?”

 

* * *

 

Aloth tilted his head as he watched Desta on the dance floor. The large ballroom was empty except for the two of them, and seeing as Desta muttered small curses to herself every time she forgot a step in her one-person waltz, that was probably for the best.

“You’re improving,” Aloth called encouragingly, but Desta only shot him a disparaging look.

“Am I? I can’t tell, especially without a partner to practice with.”

 _Jes’ do it, ye ninny,_ Iselmyr insisted in the back of Aloth’s mind, but he ignored her.

“I would be more of a hindrance than a help, I fear. I was never a particularly good dancer, and it’s been so many years since I’ve used the skill…”

Desta made a skeptical noise, her hands dropping from their positions around a non-existent partner to land on her hips. “You still have more experience at this than I do. And shouldn’t you be practicing, as well? You’re attending, you know.”

“But I’m not the ruler of the castle that everyone will be clamoring to dance with.”

Desta huffed, but turned her attention back to the dance steps. She quietly counted out beats, stepping back and forth just as Aloth had described to her. He had been telling her the truth- he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d attended an event with formal dancing. But that was only part of the reason Aloth was limiting his involvement to simple instructions. With Iselmyr misbehaving the way she was, he was justifiably nervous about what she’d do if he actually tried to dance with Desta. And so he was happy to simply observe.

For the most part. Eventually, Aloth couldn’t help but point out, “You need to step _back_ on that beat, not sideways,” and then Desta decided she’d had enough.

“Come show me, then,” she demanded, and before Aloth could protest she was pulling him by the arm onto the dance floor. “I put my arms… here?”

Aloth very nearly pulled himself away, ready to insist that he suddenly had important business elsewhere, but in a surge of willpower Iselmyr wrapped his arm around Desta’s waist, and after that it felt too late to run away. He cleared his throat and nodded. “Um, yes. Right there. And then…”

He took a slow step forward, and Desta took a matching step back, biting her lip in concentration. She seemed too focused on her movements to notice Aloth’s uncertainty, for which he was grateful. It allowed him to focus on the dance rather than their close proximity. Iselmyr, meanwhile, was radiating smugness.

 _You’re being ridiculous,_ Aloth thought, but her suspicions were harder to deny when he and Desta were close together like this. Aloth glanced up at her face, partially covered by dark red hair as she studied the motions of their feet. He’d meant what he said at the tailor’s. He was so used to her appearance by now, he hadn’t even considered that some might find it strange. Everything about Desta- the golden eyes, the horns, the moss-covered arms that currently rested on his shoulders- was simply _Desta,_ lovely in her own unique way.

But that didn’t mean Aloth had any romantic intentions towards her. He wasn’t fool enough to complicate their friendship now. And as he watched Desta, completely absorbed in learning the dance, seemingly unaffected by their arms around each other, he became certain that _she_ didn’t feel that way in the slightest.

“Thank you for all your help,” Desta said, distracting Aloth from his thoughts. “I don’t know what I’d be doing without you around to help with all of this.”

He managed a smile. “I’m sure you’d figure it out. I’ve seen you do more challenging things than throw a party.”

“I think we have different definitions of ‘challenging’.”

Aloth chuckled. “You really needn’t worry so much. The worst thing a ball can be is simply dull. Back in Aedyr, I would always end up sneaking away early.”

“Looking for libraries to hide in?” Desta teased, but her grin fell away as she tripped over Aloth’s feet. Momentum sent her stumbling forward, nearly taking both of them to the floor.

“Shoot! Sorry!”

 They untangled themselves and straightened back up, Desta laughing at herself the whole time. “Honestly,” she said, shaking her head, “I don’t know what I’ll say if I trip over myself like that in front of a bunch of people I’ve never met.”

Aloth shrugged. After everything the people of the Dyrwood had been through, he had a feeling Desta could punch a hole through the dance floor with a mace and still win their favor. “Just remind them that you’re the reason all the missing souls have been returned.”

Desta grinned. “That, I can do.”

 

* * *

 

Despite Aloth’s attempts at humility, Desta knew she would have been utterly overwhelmed by the upcoming ball if not for his help. It was still early in the day, but she had taken a bottle of wine from the kitchens, thinking that they could share a glass and toast to Caed Nua.

As she headed to his room, however, Desta was surprised to see him hurrying in the opposite direction, an urgent look in his eyes.

“Aloth? What’s happened?” Desta asked, immediately alarmed.

In response, Aloth held up a letter. “This was just delivered.” His eyes flickered almost guiltily between Desta’s face and the letter as he spoke. “I’ve been sending out inquiries to some old associates and… I think I have a lead on the Leaden Key.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Suggested listening for this chapter is [Shut Up and Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig02py6uVCE), covered by Anchor + Bell. Thank you reading, and I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	5. Separate Ways

Day was beginning to break as Aloth made the final preparations for his journey. Food, spellbooks, clothing- it was best to travel light, so he was only bringing the essentials. He could only guess at how long the Leaden Key would remain in their current position; he needed to move swiftly before he lost them again. He checked his pack twice, and then a third time, assuring himself that his maps were tucked neatly in the side pocket.

It was easier to go over the practical needs of his departure than it was to actually leave. But at last the rising sun, pushing persistently through thick grey clouds, reminded him that he could put the moment off no longer.

Desta was waiting at the gates, as he knew she would be. As she caught sight of him a small, sad smile appeared on her lips, but it quickly shifted into an exaggerated frown.

“I still can’t believe that _you_ get to go on this great secret mission while _I_ get stuck here throwing this stupid party.”

“I believe it’s me who should be the jealous one,” he replied, grateful to find that he could keep his tone light. “You’ll have all the comforts of Caed Nua at your disposal. I, however, will be living on the road for the foreseeable future. Not to mention trying to secretly infiltrate an ancient organization.”

“Exactly! You’ll be having _way_ more fun!”

_“Aye! We git some action against the hooded wankers! Better than-”_

_Better than sittin’ around watchin’ ye two make moon eyes,_ she’d been about to say, but Aloth sensed her intent not a moment too late and bit down on his lip.

Desta raised an eyebrow. “You okay?”

“It’s nothing. Iselmyr agrees with you, is all.”

If Desta suspected anything more, she didn’t show it. “I knew I liked her for a reason. I really do wish I could go with you, you know.” The cheeriness in her expression faltered. “It feels wrong to send you off to face the Leaden Key all on your own.”

“The head of the snake has been cut off already. All that I need do now is ensure the body dies with it.” Aloth knew it was never that easy, of course, but with Thaos gone he could at least hope it wouldn’t be impossible. “And besides… this is my responsibility. Your responsibility is here.”

“With Caed Nua. I know,” Desta said, resigned. Her eyes swept over the towers and battlements with open fondness. Despite her complaints, her dedication to the keep was obvious. And that was why no matter how much she offered, or how much Aloth would have enjoyed her company and assistance, he couldn’t actually ask her to come with him.

 _Ye think too much, lad,_ Iselmyr grumbled inside his head.

 _At least one of us is thinking at all,_ Aloth countered automatically. Iselmyr had her own way of showing it, but she was going to miss Desta as well, and wouldn’t have hesitated to pull her away from her duties in the Dyrwood if she could.

_‘Jes to lighten things up a bit. She’d do it if ye fessed to how ye fancy her._

“You there, Aloth?”

Aloth started, realizing that he’d allowed himself to become distracted. “Ah- yes. Just arguing with Iselmyr. Hopefully this time around she’ll refrain from starting unnecessary fights.”

“Not all those fights turned out so bad. Still- go easy on him, Iselmyr. I won’t be around to get the two of you out of trouble.” Behind Desta’s joking words, Aloth could sense an undercurrent of real worry. He smiled, touched by the concern.

At that, Iselmyr’s prodding insistence returned. Aloth did his best not to dwell on it- acknowledging her only gave her more ammunition against him. But even _if_ he’d developed some more-than-friendly feelings towards Desta, it didn’t matter. His stay at Caed Nua was never supposed to a permanent arrangement. He’d lost sight of that these past few weeks, had allowed himself to get more comfortable than he really should have. But neither of them could pretend everything was as peaceful as Caed Nua. The world, with all of its problems and responsibilities, was still moving around them. They couldn’t live in a bubble of castles and parties forever.

No matter how tempting the thought may have been.

 

* * *

 

Against all of her better judgment, Desta wanted to make Aloth stay. She wanted to tell him to forget the Leaden Key, to forget whatever responsibilities he thought he had outside the Dyrwood, and just stay at Caed Nua.

But of course she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. Because despite that part of her that wanted so badly to be selfish, she knew Aloth was doing the right thing. And she was proud of him. When he’d burned Thaos’s robes and vowed to dismantle the Leaden Key, Desta had seen a certainty in his face that she’d never seen before. This was the path of his choosing. _His_ choice, and no one else’s.

It was a good thing. But damn it, she would miss him.

“And speaking of staying out of trouble- you know that if you ever need anything- assistance, or backup- you need only write.” Desta paused. “You will be writing, won’t you?”

“Whenever I can,” Aloth promised.

“And you’ll come back to visit?”

This time he didn’t answer right away, and Desta recognized the cautious way he chewed on his lip as he thought. “ _Aloth.”_

“Desta, I don’t know if I’ll be able to-”

“Stop that and be optimistic with me, just this once.”

A reluctant smile tugged at his lips. “I don’t think I can quite reach your levels. I will say _perhaps_. But I don’t know when. I do not expect this mission to be a quick one.”

Desta sighed. “I suppose that will have to do.” She glanced up at the sky; the morning was still cold and grim, but the stubborn light of the sun was visible behind the clouds. She wished she reach up and hold it in place, keep it from rising any higher, just to give them a little more time. But even a Watcher didn’t have that kind of power. “You need to be on your way soon.”

“Yes.” Aloth glanced up at the sky as well, but his gaze was distant, and his fingers fidgeted absently with the hem of his cloak.

Desta huffed at the familiar sight. “Well?” she prompted, nudging him.

He blinked, alarmed out of his contemplation. “What?”

“I know that look. That _Aloth_ look. There’s something you want to say, but you’re not saying it. Come on, out with it.”

Aloth chuckled and shook his head. “You never were one for subtlety.”

“Never.” She grinned expectantly and motioned for Aloth to speak. At last, with some hesitation, he did.

“I just wanted to say… you’ve been a good friend to me. And I know you want me to be optimistic, but if we don’t see each other again… I’m glad I ran into you in the Gilded Vale.”

The words were soft but heartfelt, and all at once Desta couldn’t contain herself any longer. She flung herself at Aloth and wrapped him in a tight hug. He froze at her touch- even close as they were now, Desta knew this was more contact than he was accustomed to- but after a moment he relaxed and returned the embrace.

“Don’t tell anyone else,” Desta said, “but you’re the one I’m going to miss the most.” She released her hold on Aloth and stepped back, pretending not to notice the embarrassed flush that had risen to his cheeks. “Keep him safe, Iselmyr.”

Aloth’s sheepish expression morphed into one of mischief. “ _Aye, I’ll keep the lad in one piece fer ye, girlie,”_ Iselmyr answered with a wink.

Aloth returned with a self-conscious shake of the head. He glanced at the gathering clouds above and smiled ruefully at Desta. “I fear I’ve stalled long enough. Goodbye, Watcher.”

Although she didn’t want to agree, Desta knew he was right. She nodded. “Goodbye.”

The rain promised by the grey clouds overhead finally began to fall softly as Desta watched Aloth make his way, alone, down the roads from Caed Nua. The rain wasn’t strong, barely a drizzle, but it was enough to obscure Aloth as he pulled his hood over his head and vanished into the mist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm finally back with another chapter, although this one is a bit shorter than the others. Suggested listening for this chapter is [Stop the World](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBHQ3FrKC70), from Come From Away (and if you're a fan of musicals, I cannot recommend this one enough. The entire thing is just amazing).  
> Thanks everyone for reading!


	6. To Be Where You Are

The first year alone at Caed Nua was the hardest.

To be fair, Desta was very rarely actually alone. The keep was always bustling with workers and soldiers and visitors of all sorts. They were good people, people that Desta liked and trusted. But she was always their boss, the Lady of their castle. It wasn’t quite the same as the camaraderie she’d known with her old team.

Desta still received word from them, every now and then- updates from Sagani on her family, stories from Kana about his new ventures in Rauatai, outlandish tales from Hiravias as he traveled the lands. Eder even visited as often as he could, when he wasn’t busy helping with the relief efforts.

And of course, she received sporadic updates from Aloth on his new mission. Each letter brought relief, proof that Aloth was still alive and safe, even if he was far away.

A part of her said that she was being overprotective, that this was hardly the most dangerous thing Aloth had done. Another argued that he was alone now, and facing off against the entirety of the Leaden Key, and all it took was one stroke of bad luck for things to go very wrong. But for all of her worrying and wishing for more news, there was nothing she could do aside from hope for Aloth’s safety and trust that he knew what he was doing.

In the meantime, Desta had plenty of her own problems to keep herself busy.

The banquet that served as her official introduction as the Lady of Caed Nua went off with relatively few hitches. Desta remembered most of the proper etiquette, was introduced to far too many nobles to keep track of, and somehow managed to stumble through the dancing portion of the night with her dignity mostly intact. Countless times Desta wished Aloth could have been there- especially during the dancing- but despite her misgivings, it wasn’t as horrible as she had feared.

But that night was only the beginning. Desta’s duties as a Lady had now begun in earnest, and she quickly found that said duties consisted largely of dealing with politics and nobles and other things that were completely outside of her experience.

The Steward proved to be a valuable assistant in these times, guiding Desta through the traditional rules and expectations of her position. But the statue could only do so much, and there was a lot to learn. Desta’s wish for Aloth’s presence, sincere though it was, had a practical element as well. She needed his advice, his quiet jokes, his ability to restrain himself and _think_ before doing something impulsive that angered a neighboring duke and nearly ignited a royal feud.

But Aloth had his own goals, Desta reminded herself constantly. Imagining the steady elf at her side was calming, but she had to learn to handle her job on her own. She knew what Aloth would do if he were here. And so it was with reluctance that every day, Desta dragged herself down to the library.

It had useful books. Books on history, on politics, on ettiqutte. Very useful, very _boring_ books. Desta could imagine Aloth laughing at the picture she made as she forced herself to spend hours learning the ins and outs of ruling the castle. One day, she promised herself, she would see her friend again and surprise him with all of her new knowledge. The imagined satisfaction was a helpful motivator.

 

* * *

 

The first year alone on the road felt like a century.

For all of the planning and preparation Aloth had done, he still hadn’t understood the magnitude of what he was getting into. Even with the leads he’d found, tracking down the nearest active sect of the Leaden Key was more difficult than he could have anticipated. The task of _disassembling_ it was even more monumental.

But Aloth did it, and knowing that there were that many fewer agents loose in the world was worth the hardships. He contemplated, then, returning to the Dyrwood for a rest, and to share his victory with Desta. But the group of agents left him with clues on how to track down others, and he couldn’t let this opportunity go to waste. So he penned a hasty letter to his friend, assuring her that all was fine, and began the process of infiltration once again.

The work was slow and often frustrating. Aloth expected as much this time around. What he hadn’t expected was the sharp sense of loneliness that came with traveling for weeks on end with only Iselymr for company. Before the Dyrwood, Aloth had been accustomed to isolation; now, after so much time with the odd and lively group Desta had gathered, it was difficult to return those old habits.

Iselmyr, in her predictable fashion, taunted him over these thoughts. _Is it the company of the old fellows ye been missin’, or are ye pinin’ over yer green lassie?_

“I do not _pine,”_ Aloth insisted. He ignored the fact that rarely a day went by without his wishing Desta were there to breathe a little life and excitement into the monotony of his hunting. But that was a far cry from _pining._

Despite her attitude, Iselmyr was proving useful in their new mission. She tackled their new quest with vigor, and was in fact downright delighted at the prospect of toppling the ancient cult. The new cooperation was strange, but not distressingly so. The art of balancing Iselmyr’s talents and strengths with his own was still a work in progress for Aloth, but he was finding more success than he could ever have anticipated.

He thought Desta would be proud of the two of them, although he hid that notion from Iselmyr. It would only lead to more of her snickering.

 

* * *

 

Time passed faster than Desta could have expected, and before she knew it she had been running Caed Nua for three years. And – more shockingly- she was becoming pretty good at it.

That wasn’t to say she ever really got the hang of all of the pomp and circumstance of nobility. But cut through all of the pageantry and it turned out that diplomacy was simply about solving problems. Desta had plenty of experience with _that._ And if her bluntness offended any of the more uptight politicians… well, it didn’t hurt that most of the Dyrwood still regarded her as the hero who ended the Hollowborn Crisis.

And she wasn’t the only one who was doing well. Eder was a mayor now, with his own place and people to look after.  

“Mayor Teylecg,” she addressed him teasingly when he came to visit.

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t you start with that. I’m still not above throwing a bucket of water on you.”

Desta laughed. It was good to have at least one person around who treated her like a regular person. Her other old friends rarely had time to visit, and even the letters had begun to dwindle.

Or rather, one person’s letters had begun to dwindle. Thinking about that made Desta anxious, and Eder must have sensed it. Later that day he asked, a bit too casually, when Desta last heard from Aloth.

“Five months ago,” she answered, trying not to sound as miserable as she felt. “I’m hoping it’s only because he’s undercover. It’s hard for him to keep in contact when he’s trying to avoid suspicion.”

Eder nodded. “I’m sure he’s fine. He’s got Iselmyr, right? She’s tough, she’ll watch out for him.”

“So long as he keeps her from starting fights,” Desta joked, but she couldn’t completely dispel the tension coiled in her stomach. Even the letters Aloth did send were growing shorter and more sparse. If she’d had any idea where he was, Desta would have gone and found him by now, undercover or not. But she didn’t even know where to start.

“Lady Desta?” The Steward’s voice rang through the room, and Desta sighed.

“Yes?”

“Lord Jace has arrived. Shall I direct him to the hall?”

“Of course,” Desta said, motioning to Eder to follow her to greet the guest. She would spend the rest of the day convincing the Lord to allow trade of his crops amongst the smaller villages in the Dyrwood. Amidst the arguments and negotiations, her concerns for Aloth would be pushed to the back of her mind, at least for a short while.

But Desta knew they would return, and would persist until the next letter arrived.

 

* * *

 

Aloth was doing the right thing. He believed that, he had to, otherwise he didn’t know what the last three years had been for.

But good intentions didn’t always lead to good outcomes. Aloth had learned that lesson once already. He thought he knew better now, but doubt was creeping in once again. Mistakes were made. Moves were miscalculated. At the end of the day, Aloth was still afraid he was doing more harm than good.

Iselmyr didn’t understand his concerns. She, at least, enjoyed the occasionally violent aspects of their work, and Aloth quickly learned to cede control to her whenever his investigations led them to a physical confrontation. But even Iselmyr had to admit that more often than not, their efforts did not go as planned.

His worries came to a head after his encounter with the cult of bloodletters. Perhaps _encounter_ was too kind a word- he’d meddled in their lives without fully understanding the consequences, and they were the ones who suffered for it. When Iselmyr admitted she also regretted their handling of that situation, Aloth knew he’d made a serious error.

He almost ended his journey there. He’d been foolish to think he could dismantle the Leaden Key so easily, he who hadn’t even seen them for what they were. It was Desta who finally showed him the truth, and it was her who had the power to deal with them.

It would be easier if she were here. She was always so sure, so brave, so endlessly optimistic. If Desta were with him, she would know just what to do.

If Desta were there, she wouldn’t give up. If Aloth knew one thing about her, it was that.

Now it was his turn. Because this had never been Desta’s problem to fix. It was his. And he couldn’t return to Caed Nua with his tail between his legs, asking for her help and taking her away from her new home. He would adjust his course, but he couldn’t stop.

What Aloth needed was more information. Understanding the Leaden Key was the secret to disrupting their influence on the world. This time, he didn’t tell Desta of his plans. He couldn’t risk revealing his intentions through letters that could easily be lost or intercepted. Perhaps more truthfully, he didn’t want to burden her with his troubles, not when she’d had so much faith in him. He would send word of his victories, once they came. And he had to believe they would come eventually.

He had to.

 

* * *

 

Desta was Lady of Caed Nua for five years. Five years of learning logistics and diplomacy, five years of shaping the keep to her tastes, five years of creating a home. And yes, five years of moments of restlessness and boredom and frustration. But those moments were short-lived, and at the end of the day she was proud of the castle she had restored.

And then Eothas rose, and the castle fell, and everything changed.

There would be time to grieve her loss, Desta told herself, but it must come later. Right now she had to worry about Eothas, who was still out in the world, moving towards an unknown destination and leaving destruction in his wake. She had to stop him, although how she was going to do that with an injured crew and a wrecked ship, Desta wasn’t quite sure. She only knew she had to try.

And as it turned out, being forced to spend a few days in Port Maje was the luckiest thing to happen to Desta since Berath yanked her soul back into her body.

When she first saw Aloth at the wrecked research site, Desta thought for a moment she was hallucinating. Then he gave her a knowing look, a look he’d given her a million times before, and the relief exploding through her chest almost ruined his cover right away. It was him- older and more scarred and looking more tired than she remembered, but it was _him._

“We’d be happy for…Engferth… to come along,” she said, tripping over the false name and doing her best to hold back laughter.

She somehow managed to contain herself until they were away from the group of researchers. When the coast was finally clear, she couldn’t take it any longer and threw her arms around him in elation.

Behind her, Eder was laughing and Xoti was peppering her with confused questions. Desta ignored them. There would be time, eventually, for explanations and stories and questions- and oh, did she have a lot of questions for Aloth. Why was we here, why was he using a fake name, _why hadn’t he_ _written to her?_

But all that was for later. For now, however, only one fact mattered. Aloth was here. Everything- Eothas, Berath, whatever was waiting out there on the ocean- suddenly seemed a little more manageable.

 

* * *

 

When Desta showed up unexpectedly in the middle of the Deadfire, Aloth couldn’t believe his own senses. He thought perhaps he was wrong- he couldn’t see too clearly through the shield of the hideout, and it would surely be easy enough to mistake another nature godlike for the Watcher.

But it was her. Five years was a long time, but not so long that he couldn’t recognize Desta at a glance. And honestly, of _course_ she was here, right in the center of whatever world-altering chaos was forming. How could she be anywhere else?

Aloth saw her eyes light up in recognition when he stepped forward, and prayed silently that she wouldn’t blow his cover. Not that it mattered much now, he supposed; he had no doubt in his mind that he would leave his animancer friends behind to follow Desta on whatever her new quest was.

But she handled his appearance deftly enough, and it wasn’t until they were out of sight of the animancers that she turned to him with an expression demanding an explanation. Aloth was trying to think of one, trying to find the words for his long silence and his presence here, when Desta erased all the words from his mind by wrapping him in a tight embrace.

For a moment, Aloth was too startled to do anything- it had been a long time since he’d been this close to anyone. Then the familiar scent of her hit him, the odd but not unpleasant smell of fresh earth and morning grass, and in that moment it was as if the last five years had never happened, and to his own surprise Aloth found himself returning the hug. When Desta finally pulled away, beaming and bright with excitement, a sharp pang of disappointment shot through his chest.

That was when Aloth began to suspect he was well and truly in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm back with another chapter and another song. Suggested listening this time around is [Wish That You Were Here by Florence + The Machine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsWDUvuF0Xc)
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	7. What We Could Be

So far, Desta didn’t care much for the life of a sailor. Being stuck on the ship, with nothing but endless water in all directions, gave her a trapped, isolated feeling. She spent most of the journey to Neketaka on the deck, trying to puzzle out the practice of navigating the ocean in the hope that having a sense of their direction would quell her restlessness.

One bright spot in the long journey was that Aloth spent a lot of time on deck with her. Five years was a long time, after all, and they had a lot of catching up to do.

It was strange at first, seeing him again after all these years. And yet it was also right, in a way, that he should be here at her side again as she took on another impossible quest.

“I’ve been doing most of the talking,” Desta laughed. She leaned against the ship’s railing next to Aloth, watching the waves roll past. In the distance, the crew was singing some sort of shanty, the unfamiliar melody rising and falling with the movement of the ship. “Tell me what you’ve been up to all these years. You hardly wrote me at all.”

Aloth flashed Desta a quick, apologetic smile. “I didn’t have much chance, I’m afraid. I was usually doing my best not to raise suspicion or give away my location. And most of it wasn’t…” he trailed off for a moment before hurriedly continuing. “It wasn’t very interesting, anyway.”

Desta frowned. So much about Aloth was the same- the expression he made when thinking a million things at once, the quick smiles full of dry humor, even the hesitant way he spoke. But even so, the years had changed him. It was more than the new scars he’d earned, although she would make sure to hear _those_ stories later. Aloth was guarded, more distant than the man she remembered. Desta knew him well enough to know something was weighing heavily on his mind, but she couldn’t fathom a guess as to what it was.

“I’m sure that’s not true,” she told him. “And I would’ve been happy for any letter, interesting or not. I missed you.”

Aloth’s small smile quickly widened as his expression shifted to wicked mischievousness.

“ _Aye, it’s right pleasin’ to see ye ‘gin, lassie!”_

Desta laughed with delight as Iselmyr’s familiar voice broke through. “And of course I missed you, too, Iselmyr. I trust you two have been getting along?”

_“Ach,mair’n afore at least. The lad’s still a chore tae listen tae. He dinnae stop whingin over ya all this time!”_

A faint blush appeared on Aloth’s ears as he regained himself. “Ahem. That’s not quite how _I_ would phrase it, but yes. I… missed you, as well.”

The comment brought a smile to Desta’s face, but she couldn’t help but notice that the hesitation she’d noticed before was still there. She was reminded again of her unanswered letters and the years that she knew nothing about.

 “It seems being Lady of Caed Nua suited you well,” Aloth said suddenly, pulling Desta from her thoughts. “I apologize again for leaving so quickly. I would’ve liked to see you running the place.”

The image of Caed Nua, once so proud and shining and now a pile of rubble, was a heavy weight inside of Desta’s heart. She still hadn’t told Aloth the entire story, of Berath and the In-Between and the new chime in her chest. She didn’t want to think about that right now. She wanted to look forward, and she wanted her friendship with Aloth to be the way it was before.

So she just chuckled and shook her head. “And you claim your past few years aren’t interesting. _Anything_ would be more exciting holding court. Although I admit, it turns out I’m actually not bad at boring diplomacy stuff.”

“I’m not surprised at all,” Aloth replied immediately. “You’ve always been convincing. At least, you could always persuade _me_ to do anything.”

 “Except answer my letters, apparently,” Desta teased. “Come on, you owe me some stories.”

Aloth considered for a moment, running a hand through his long dark hair as he thought. “I did return to Aedyr for a short while.”

He began recounting the visit to his old homeland, and Desta’s worries waned as he spoke. This was what she had been missing, the easy conversation and quiet humor. Nothing was changing; Aloth was still Aloth.

Desta had lost so much when Eothas destroyed her home. It was nice to know that in the aftermath of the wreckage, something could be found again.

 

* * *

 

Aloth watched Desta from the corner of his eyes as he sipped slowly at his drink. The Wild Mare was no palace, but it was a good deal cleaner than many of the inns Aloth had seen in his life. Tonight, however, he hardly noticed his surroundings or the taste of his wine. His attention was fully elsewhere.

Desta leaned against the tavern wall, eyes closed, listening to the musicians play with an untasted drink in hand. She had been strangely quiet after arranging their rooms with the innkeeper; in fact, now that Aloth though about it, she’d been a bit subdued for most of the day. Aloth supposed he couldn’t blame her for being tired after the hike they’d made to meet with the queen at the Neketaka palace, which had only led to more errands and favors to be carried out all across the city.

And then there was the … incident at the docks. That experience alone should be enough to earn Desta a week of rest.

At the time, she’d brushed it off with an embarrassed smile and a dismissive, “Oh, you know, Watcher stuff.” Now that she was no longer the center of attention, however, her cheerful guard had begun to slip.

 _“Yer gawkin’ agin.”_ Iselmyr’s loud tone cut through Aloth’s musings, earning him an odd look from a patron at a nearby table.

Aloth quickly ducked his head down. “I am not _gawking,”_ he muttered into his drink as Iselmyr buzzed in the back of his mind. He wasn’t. He was merely observing her from across the room-

_Ain’t nothin’ wrong wit it. But there are better things ye could be doin._

Iselmyr tugged at the memory of seeing Desta at Port Maje, her bright smile and tight hug. Aloth could feel the blush creeping across his cheeks as he thought of it, and quickly pushed against Iselmyr’s intrusion.

Of course he had been glad to see Desta again. Even after all this time, they were close. And maybe there were times when she gave him that sunny smile or watched him with those knowing, golden eyes…well. It wasn’t a serious thought. More of an idea in the back of his mind. An awareness that he was toeing the line between friendship and something else.

That didn’t mean he intended to act on any such feelings. If there ever was a time to consider that possibility, it was not now. Not here. Not when they were in the middle of a world-ending crisis that was complicated quite enough already.

Iselmyr gave a loud, beleaguered groan that drew the attention of multiple other patrons. Aloth grimaced and, rather than sit and be stared at, rose from his seat with the intention of retreating to his room. However, after another glance at Desta, quiet and withdrawn in the corner of the room, he changed course.

“It’s been a long day,” he said, approaching Desta with a soft smile. “How are you doing?”

Desta seemed surprised to see him, but returned his smile and acknowledged his concern with a wave of her hand. “I’m fine. Maybe a bit tired. Not Watcher-losing-my-sanity-tired, don’t worry. Normal tired.”

“Speaking of that,” Aloth said, “you never did explain what exactly happened on the docks today.”  Desta made an irritated face, and Aloth held up his hands apologetically. “I’ve never seen anything like that before. Certainly not from you.”

A reluctant frown formed on her lips, but she nodded in acknowledgement of his words. “Okay, so… it’s not _normal_ Watcher stuff.” Aloth raised an eyebrow, and Desta laughed. “I know, I know, but normal is relative. I’m used to the other stuff now. This morning… that was ‘Berath’s Herald’ stuff. That was new. And hopefully Berath won’t be doing it again.” She shot an angry and ineffectual glare at the ceiling of the tavern.

“That was _Berath_? Through you?” Aloth tried to keep the alarm out of his voice but wasn’t completely successful. “How could they do that?”

Desta sighed and brought a hand to her chest. “They put a chime in me, when they brought me back. Now I think we’re connected, somehow.” Concern clouded her face for a moment, but she shrugged it away. “I can’t say I enjoy it, but it’s better than the alternative.”

 _The alternative._ Desta avoided the subject, but Eder had told Aloth the details of their departure from the Dyrwood _._ It was a difficult tale to believe, and one Aloth didn’t want to dwell upon. In his time away, Aloth had worried about Desta often enough- worried that she could be in trouble, or even injured. But he’d never imagined her…

 Even now, it was difficult to put _Desta_ and _dead_ in the same thought.

“Better than alternative,” he repeated, for the first time in a long while feeling a bit of gratitude towards the gods. Even if their motives had been self-serving, Berath had actually done something good. “I quite agree. I’m very glad to have you still alive.”

“Aww,” Desta grinned and leaned over to lightly bump her shoulder against his. “How sweet.” Her smile was back again- bright and cheery and _alive._ Aloth’s heart seemed to be beating much louder now, and he quickly pushed down an unneeded comment from Iselmyr. “Don’t worry. I plan on staying that way. I’m much too busy to die right now.”

In spite of himself, Aloth chuckled. “Same old Desta. Nothing slows you down.”

“What about you?” Desta was watching him intently now. “You seemed to have something on your mind today. Was there something you need to talk about?”

For a moment, Aloth considered telling her everything about his unstable mission and failed attempts at striking back against the Leaden Key. But he knew Desta, and he knew that at the slightest hint of struggle she would put all of her effort into helping with even the most trivial of tasks. He wouldn’t- _couldn’t-_ put his concerns regarding the Leaden Key on her now. Those were only more problems Desta didn’t deserve to have foisted on her.

“Like I said, it’s been a long day. That’s all.”

“That’s true enough,” she said, although she didn’t seem entirely convinced. For now, however, she appeared content to let it go. “Care for one more drink before you retire for the night?”

Aloth smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

 

* * *

 

It took another three days for Desta to decide that something odd was definitely going on with Aloth. In those days, she explored the catacombs beneath The Gullet, dealt with far too many politics between Vailian traders, and found three new crew members for her ship. And in those days, she learned absolutely nothing more about what had Aloth’s mind so preoccupied. Each failed attempt at asking him only made her more worried- and, eventually, more aggravated.

“No, no, I’m quite all right,” he insisted when Desta offered to help him sort through the pile of scrolls on his bag. He’d been searching through the bookstores of the city, but for what, Desta couldn’t say. “You have plenty to do. There probably isn’t anything useful here, anyway.”

“Useful for _what?”_ Desta asked, exasperated. “It’s something to do with the Leaden Key, isn’t it? Let me help.”

“I…” Aloth paused, then shook his head. “When I have a solid lead, I will follow it. For now, I would rather not speculate.”

“Fine,” Desta said, the words coming out sharper than she intended. “But at least let me know if you intend to disappear again?”

Aloth’s shocked expression immediately sent a pang of guilt through Desta’s stomach, and she quickly shook her head. “I didn’t- I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.”

“What makes you think I’m going to disappear?” Aloth asked softly. His brow was furrowed, and his fingers tugged worriedly at the ends of his hair.

Desta frowned. “It wouldn’t be the first time, you know.”

“When I left Caed Nua- Desta, I _had_ to go. After everything that happened with Thaos-”

“I know,” Desta assured him. She sighed and sank into the chair across from him, trying to sort through her jumbled, panicked thoughts. “I understand why you went, I do. It was the right thing. But you stopped writing, and I had no idea where you were, and then I saw you again with the animancers and I just pulled you away without thinking, and now I _know_ there’s something you’re avoiding with me. And I don’t understand why you won’t talk to me about any of it.”

Aloth was no longer looking at her; rather, he stared down at the table still covered in scrolls. Desta’s words hung in the air for a moment, the silence following them and tense and heavy, until Aloth finally took a deep breath and raised his eyes. “I didn’t write to you because I was afraid.”

Of all the answers Desta expected, that was certainly not one of them. “Afraid of what?”

And Aloth told her. He told her of what he’d done in his travels, of the way he’d tried to free people of the Leaden Key. He told her how, after a plan that went awry and cost innocent people their lives, he decided he needed more information if he was to do any good.

“So I became Engferth. I joined the animancers and was in Port Maje chasing after old tales. It may be that it was all done in vain. But it may be this is the path to answers that I need if I’m to continue this mission.”

Now it was Desta’s turn for silence. Her heart ached for Aloth as he recited his tale, and when he was done she reached across the table and gently laid her hand on his. “What happened with the cult was awful.”

“I know.”

“But it wasn’t your fault.”

Aloth didn’t answer.

“I’m serious. You can’t predict the future. You were doing what you thought was best for the people. That matters. Please try to believe that.”

After a long moment of hesitation, Aloth nodded. “I will try. _If_ you answer my next question honestly.” He gave Desta a smile- weak, but with a bit of wry humor that let her know he was going to be okay. “Since I’ve bared my troubles, it seems only fair.”

“Of course,” Desta said easily. “You can always ask me anything.”

“Are you really okay?”

The question took Desta by surprise. _I’m fine,_ she began to say automatically, but one look at Aloth’s face stopped the words in her throat. Now it was her turn to look away.

She wanted to say she was fine. She wanted to so badly, because she _needed_ to be fine. She needed to be strong and assured and ready to protect the world from whatever Eothas was planning. And she could be, most of time. But she knew that wasn’t what Aloth meant.

“I’m scared,” she said to Aloth. The words left a horrible, shameful taste in her mouth but they were true, and it was a strange relief to finally speak them aloud. “I don’t know if I can stop Eothas. I don’t even know what he wants. And on top of that I have Berath yanking my head around and watching my every move. But people are counting on me. I need to be okay so they can be okay.”

Aloth watched with thoughtful eyes as Desta spoke, his hand tightening in hers. “If there’s anyone in the world who can handle this, it’s you. But it’s okay if you can’t handle it for a little while, every now and then.”

His words loosened a tense knot Desta hadn’t even realized had coiled in her stomach. She nodded and said, “How about we make a deal, then? When you get anxious about what you don’t know, you come to me. When I get tired of being strong all the time, I’ll come to you. We’ll ‘not handle’ things together.”

“I think that just might work,” Aloth smiled. “If I recall correctly, that’s how we handled the Sun-in-Shadow.”

Desta laughed, feeling suddenly very tired after the worry of the past few days, but also immensely relieved. Everything else in her life may be in disarray, but the bond she shared with Aloth was just as strong as before. “Just like old times. With everything going crazy right now, I think I need a little bit of normalcy. It’s nice to know this hasn’t changed.”

There was a brief pause before Aloth answered. “Of course. Just like before.” He quickly withdrew his hand, and Desta remembered never been fond of physical contact. She was disappointed as he pulled away but let him do so without comment, chiding herself for forgetting that detail, and rose from her seat.

“I’ll let you get back to your work now,” she told Aloth, “Remember that I’m here to help, but I’ll stop pushing you. For now, at least.”

 

* * *

 

Aloth watched Desta walk away, a flurry of conflicting emotions wrestling inside of him.

_What’s got ye twisted, lad?_

Aloth ignored both Iselmyr and the disappointment that was washing over his common sense. It was for the best, really. Both he and Desta needed the stability of their friendship. A friendship that was exactly what it had been before, and no more than that. No complications, no surprises.

It was what Desta wanted, and it was for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Yes, this chapter is late- between real life stuff and this chapter just being difficult, my schedule got a little thrown off. Hopefully the next one won't take so long. Suggested listening for this chapter:  
> [Nothing Like You And I](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqX8gA5h6gc) by The Perishers. Thanks for reading!


	8. All Of My Attention

Aloth promised himself he would not muddle his already complicated life with any growing feelings towards Desta. At the time, it was an easy promise to make. There were even occasional moments when it was an easy promise to keep, when their time together was simple and natural and just like it was all those years ago.

And then there were moments when keeping that promise felt impossible.

 

They were digging through the rubble of an old, dusty room in an old, dusty temple on an old, dusty island when Aloth heard Desta scream. Panic immediately rushed through him, and for a moment he was sure that there was a trap they had missed or an enemy that wasn’t quite dead.

Then Desta turned around and Aloth saw the large scaly creature in her arms, and he understood.

“Look who I found!” Desta cried, her voice still high with excitement. The wurm in her arms echoed with a cry of its own.

Across the room Pallegina gave a startled gasp, but Serafen just looked on in confusion. “That be a wurm, lass,” he said. “You see plenty of ‘em in these parts. Usually we kill ‘em.”

“Not the hatchlings!” Desta scolded. “They’re not hurting anybody, not if you train them right. And besides, don’t you recognize her?”

This last part was directed at a surprised Aloth. He frowned, and was about to protest that he couldn’t possibly recognize the random wurm they’d found in this out-of-the-way temple…until he took a closer look. “Is that a _sky dragon_ wurm?”

“She certainly is.”

“Not the same-”

“It’s the same one,” Pallegina confirmed. “Don’t you remember Hylea’s Temple?”

Of course Aloth remembered Hylea’s Temple, and the sky dragon that lived within. He remembered every dragon that Desta had dragged him into meeting. This particular encounter had, thankfully, not ended in their team running in circles and trying to bring down the winged beast. Rather, it had ended with Desta letting the dragon and her hatchlings live in peace, certain that she could convince Hylea it was the right call.

And she did, because she was Desta, and of course she could persuade a god into letting a dragon raise its children in her temple.

“How in the world did she end up here?” Aloth asked, leaning closer to inspect the wurm.

Desta shrugged. “It seems a lot of things from the Dyrwood ended up here somehow. Do you think she remembers me?” Aloth couldn’t stop a smile from creeping onto his face as he watched Desta cradle the creature, beaming down at it with nothing but joy. The wurm wriggled happily in her arms as if in confirmation. Desta laughed and ran her hand soothingly over the smooth scales. “Oh, I can’t wait to show Eder-”

“Hold up a tic,” Serafen interrupted. “We’re not bringing that thing aboard, are we, Captain?”

“Well, why not?”

“It be a dragon, lass.”

“She’s just a little wurm!”

“Don’t try to argue with her,” Pallegina said in a tired tone. “Caed Nua was always full of strays she brought in against everyone’s better judgment.”

Serafen turned to Aloth beseechingly. “Am I outnumbered here? We’re bringing a dragon on board the ship?”

Aloth glanced at Desta. The wurm had settled itself across her shoulders. It made for a strange sight- the large, ungainly wings flapping behind her head, the long tail curled around her neck, the pale blue scales striking against dark green skin- but Desta looked absolutely delighted. Aloth looked helplessly back at Serafen. “We’re bringing a dragon on board the ship.”

As they left the temple, Desta walked next to Aloth, lifting the wurm up so it could get a good look at him. “I think she remembers you, too.” The wurm gave a shrill shriek, and Desta laughed. “She likes you.”

Aloth felt himself flush, and he could hear Iselmyr snickering inside his head. _Ye never could say nae to the lass._

 _Stop it,_ he thought. _This has nothing to do with Desta. We went through a lot of trouble for the wurm to live, we might as well take care of it._

_If ye say so, lad. I’ll be remindin ye’ of that when the wee beastie’s crawled into our bunk at night._

 

 

They were traversing the darker streets of Neketaka when the figures approached. The term _shady_ applied here on multiple levels; the people wore cloaks that shrouded their features and beckoned suspiciously to Desta, promising rare goods.

Desta was curious, so despite Aloth’s misgivings (which were _numerous)_ she approached the alley where they stood. Aloth trailed close behind and waited for things to go wrong. As soon as Desta crossed into the alley, one of the figures stepped forward, drawing a dagger from its cloak.

“Empty your pockets,” the figure croaked, and the look Desta gave him carried more disappointment than it did fear.

“Told you,” Aloth couldn’t resist saying, a small smirk flashing across his face.

“Fine, you were right,” Desta sighed. She gave the small dagger one more pitying look, then said casually to Aloth, “Close your eyes.”

Aloth knew immediately what she was planning and did as he was told- he had seen this move in battles before, and had no desire to bear the brunt of it. As soon as he looked away, Desta clasped her hands together and, in a flash of zeal, enveloped herself in a beam of blinding light.

The light was searing even from behind Aloth’s closed eyes- he could only imagine the painful surprise the would-be robbers must have been experiencing. His sympathy was interrupted when Desta’s hand, cool and grassy, took his in a strong grip, and before he had time to react she was pulling him down the streets toward the Gullet.

When they finally slowed, the light had faded enough for Aloth to dare try opening his eyes- and when he did, his breath caught in his throat. The magic Desta had cast still hung faintly around her, and she was laughing, completely unaware of the glow that still hung around her like a cloak.

He must have been staring, because she cast a worried glance in his direction. “What’s wrong? I didn’t blind you, did I?”

“No, I’m fine” he answered, and winced when his voice came high and nervous. He cleared his throat awkwardly, and hurriedly added, “Which is more than I can say for those robbers.”

Desta laughed again. “Oh, those poor fools. I almost feel bad.”

“You needn’t,” Aloth said. “They were thieves. Incompetent thieves, at that.”

“Exactly. It felt unfair.” The spell had faded completely now, but Desta’s eyes were still alight with amusement.  Aloth realized with a rush that his hand was still clutching hers. He hastily released her hand in what he hoped was a nonchalant manner and took a courteous step back, returning some space between them.

 _“Ye spineless spellspeaker,”_ Iselmyr muttered through his teeth, and Desta blinked in confusion.

“What-”

“Iselmyr wishes to hunt down the thieves,” Aloth explained quickly, biting sharply on his lip in an effort to prevent Iselmyr from following his words with her own retort.

Desta seemed to accept this. “Don’t worry, Iselmyr. We still have business in Delver’s Row, and I’m sure we’ll find someone there to give you a fight.”

Iselmyr simmered in frustration in the back of Aloth’s head, but didn’t try to speak aloud again as he followed Desta through the winding streets. _I’m jes tryin’ to move ye along,_ she hissed at him internally.

 _That’s the problem,_ Aloth thought back. _There’s nothing to move along. There’s no point in you continuing on like this._

Iselmyr’s reply, though still annoyed, was smug. _Ach, we’ll be seein’ about that._

 

They’d barely made it a mile from the lagoon when the ship appeared. Aloth wasn’t concerned at first- their flag was emblazoned with the logo of the Royal Deadfire Company , and as far as he knew the Rauataians had no reason to be hunting them down.

Then the thundering sound of a cannon filled the air, followed by the splash of the warning shot that landed mere feet from their hull, and Aloth began to worry.

Desta was on the top deck, shouting for parley, and by the time Aloth reached her the other ship had drawn close enough for its captain, an angry-looking amaua man, to speak to her her face-to-face. Desta met his glare boldly. “What do you want? We have no quarrel with you!”

The man shook his head. “You wouldn’t be leaving Motare o Kozi unless you found what we both want. Hand over the map.”

Desta’s eyes narrowed, and Aloth could practically hear her thoughts just as clear as Iselmyr’s: she had promised the Ukaizo map to the prince and the queen and the Huana people, and she was not going back on her word. Perhaps the other captain saw this as well, for he began to draw his longsword.

“Wait!” Desta cried. She bit her lip, studying the other captain’s face, then glanced sideways at Aloth.

“Trust me?” she said to him a low voice.

Aloth frowned in confusion but gave her a tight nod. Desta grinned and whispered, “Bring me a barrel of gunpowder _.”_ Then she turned her attention fully to the other ship and called loudly, “Is there no chance we can come up with a diplomatic solution?”

Aloth had a million questions for Desta, but their time was unfortunately limited, so he hurriedly did as she asked. As he dragged the barrel over to Desta, the other captain gave her a grim smile. “The only solution I see here is you giving me that map.”

Desta stared at him for a moment, then reached over the side of the ship and grabbed one of the lanterns that swung from the hull. She thrust her arm over the barrel, the lit lantern flickering mere feet above the pile of gunpowder. “You board this ship, _nobody_ is walking away with that map!”

The startled cries of both crew filled the air, and despite his alarm Aloth had to work to stifle back a smile. Anyone who knew Desta would know she would never sacrifice her people. But looking at her determined expression, her hair and cape blowing wildly in the wind, the light of the lantern throwing shadows on her face… Aloth could see how a stranger might think differently.

The other captain’s mouth fell open. “You wouldn’t…”

“Aloth,” Desta said, loudly this time. “Bring me another barrel.”

“As you say,” he replied at the same volume, doing his best to inject some fear into his voice.

This, finally, was too much for the Rauataians. “You’re a _madwoman!”_ the other captain cried, before turning to his crew and ordering a retreat.

Desta held her position until the ship sailed out of sight. Only then did she jerk into motion, leaping away from the barrels and hurling the lantern overboard.

Aloth couldn’t help the chuckles that escaped him at the sight, even as the rest of the crew let out exaggerated sighs of relief. Behind him, Engrim sagged against the helm. “No offense Captain,” he sighed, “but the longer I spend wit’ you, the more I question my choice o’ career.”

“I’m sorry!” Desta said earnestly. She was still resting against the railing, keeping her distance from the gunpowder even though the lantern had left her hand. “It was all I could think of! I never would have _done_ it.”

“Of course not,” Aloth said. “That was some quick thinking, and it did the job well.”

“Although to be honest, I was terrified the entire time I’d lose my grip and drop the thing by accident.”

“Bloody hel, don’t tell me _that!”_ Engrim exclaimed. Desta let out a burst of laughter that only got louder when she locked eyes with Aloth, who was barely holding back his own amusement.

“I’ll put this gunpowder back where it belongs now,” Aloth said, fighting to keep the smirk out of his voice.

“Please,” Engrim said. “Before the two of you kill us all.” Aloth didn’t respond, for he was suddenly far too preoccupied with the way the man had said _the two of you,_ and the way it pleased him far more than it should.

That night Aloth lay awake in his bunk, unable to get the incident out of his head. Desta’s face kept flashing through his memories- her expression of conviction and righteousness as she held the lamp, which shifted so quickly to laughter and reassurance as she leaned over the railing with bright eyes and hair wild in the wind.

 _Ach,_ Iselmyr sighed in his head. _This is hopeless.Yer gone and taken with the lass._

Aloth remembered the promise he’d made to himself and sighed. “Hopeless,” he repeated quietly. “Yes, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally back with an update! This chapter brought to you by the fact that threatening to blow up your own ship really does win you approval from Aloth in-game, which I love. Suggested listening for this chapter is [Keep Me Watching by Jason Walker.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsQnAdQGObg)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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